Mark Langston is fully aware that it is deeply civilizing to lie down on the floor at one’s place of work. Yet this is not why he splays himself out, oil on canvas, upon the uncaring soil.  He is further … Continue reading Mark Langston is suffering from multiple European emotional malaises all at once

Bill Greif will maybe at some point get around to giving a damn about what you’re telling him, but, brother man, it won’t be today. Not while the beer’s cold and not in light of the quality of the last … Continue reading Unlike you, Bill Greif just wants to relax and listen to some music

Doug Jones did not ask for this fire. He did not volunteer for the strains of harnessing it. This is why he regards this fire like the severed thumb he once found in the nearby old growth forest.  He is … Continue reading Doug Jones did not ask for this fire

When St. Peter came to Irvine High School, he bid the people to “give an account of the hope that is in you.” It fell to Bob Hamelin to introduce to the world “apologia via placard” … “Bob Hamelin,” St. Peter said. “Why do you present to me a placard that reads ‘Bob Hamelin’”? “Because,” Bob Hamelin said, “You told me to account for the hope that is in me. Bob Hamelin is in me. Thus, ergo, and therefore: Bob Hamelin is the hope in me. Q.E.D.” Bob Hamelin wandered off, and the slapping and fapping of his weathered leather … Continue reading Bob Hamelin Accounts for the Joy within

The god he does not believe in has never been more absent. It is not like the time when he thought he saw his father, who had been dead for 20 years, standing in his kitchen in the middle of … Continue reading The sad baseball frog

Have you seen this, friend? I like the looks of it. I am going to Borchert Field. I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys. Part of me — the good part — hopes that the Tripoli Arab Patrol is a patrol made up of Arabs rather than a patrol in search of Arabs to be patrolled. But I’m still going to Borchert Field. I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys. The Tripoli Arab Patrol is world-famous throughout Shrinedom, so it can’t be all bad. I’m told a band will play. I enjoy a good Sousa march. I’ll hope … Continue reading I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys

Sorry, Bobo Polaroids or whatever the fuck your name is, but Brian Harper is going to have to take this call. It might be regarding the waterfront development project, or it might be regarding one of the countless opportunities for … Continue reading Banknotes Harper Is Going to Have to Take This Call

Charlie Manuel packs his shotgun shells with loose-leaf tobacco. That way it just stings a little. Charlie Manuel once benched all of West Virginia for not hustling. While Loretta Lynn is rightly known as the “Coal Miner’s Daughter,” Charlie Manuel … Continue reading Charlie Manuel

Moundsman Eric Berger has a mustache. Let us crush the uprising. Let us check our chained pocket watch before signing the railroad deed. Let us agree not to speak of the colonel’s history of ravishment. Let our wives die in … Continue reading Moundsman Eric Berger has a mustache