Willie McCovey can drive from here to anyplace else in no more than two hours and 48 minutes

Willie McCovey has long believed that the cartographers are blind to possibility. Their learned embroideries bring out the interstates, the arterial highways with the color of the northern cardinal in nesting season. The remainder they leave to less arresting hues. … Continue reading Willie McCovey can drive from here to anyplace else in no more than two hours and 48 minutes

Bob Hamelin Accounts for the Joy within

When St. Peter came to Irvine High School, he bid the people to “give an account of the hope that is in you.” It fell to Bob Hamelin to introduce to the world “apologia via placard” … “Bob Hamelin,” St. Peter said. “Why do you present to me a placard that reads ‘Bob Hamelin’”? “Because,” Bob Hamelin said, “You told me to account for the hope that is in me. Bob Hamelin is in me. Thus, ergo, and therefore: Bob Hamelin is the hope in me. Q.E.D.” Bob Hamelin wandered off, and the slapping and fapping of his weathered leather … Continue reading Bob Hamelin Accounts for the Joy within

Jeff Huson, possible televangelist

Study closely the countenance of American baseball broadcaster Jeff Huson … You’ll note the solemn look of disapproval in tandem with the finest in Evangelical’s Choice Menswear. Long ago, he leveraged carefully curated scripture against the city council. On pain of being voted out by Rev. Huson’s legion congregants, they moved to fill all municipal water tanks with Vitalis, which you see in abundance here. The entirety of it provides Huson with a mise en scène that is known variously as “Pastor Drugs” or “Comptroller of Jonestown.” The glowering reproach that issues forth is strong enough to chagrin Cotton and Increase Mather, … Continue reading Jeff Huson, possible televangelist

This Is Mike Shannon’s Pencil

This is Mike Shannon’s pencil: This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon used to bat .288/.339/.462 during the course of the 1966 season. This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon used to captain a gondola — a gondola handsomely crafted from the very same pencil — along every nautical spice route. All the while, Raquel Welch felt safe. She found the turmeric soothing. This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon in 1932 loaned to a Mississippi Delta Bluesman. With that pencil, the Bluesman wrote the lyric, “You’re closer to me, baby, than Jesus to the cross.” This is … Continue reading This Is Mike Shannon’s Pencil

I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys

Have you seen this, friend? I like the looks of it. I am going to Borchert Field. I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys. Part of me — the good part — hopes that the Tripoli Arab Patrol is a patrol made up of Arabs rather than a patrol in search of Arabs to be patrolled. But I’m still going to Borchert Field. I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys. The Tripoli Arab Patrol is world-famous throughout Shrinedom, so it can’t be all bad. I’m told a band will play. I enjoy a good Sousa march. I’ll hope … Continue reading I shall watch them play baseball on donkeys