Author’s note: If you haven’t already, you are invited to partake of the Banknotes Harper origin story. In 1953, American hero Joseph P. Kennedy commissioned the busts of eight captains of industry to be constructed outside the Chicago Merchandise Mart and worshiped as dollar-gods. On this day, a ninth marble bust was added — the bust of Banknotes Harper … Banknotes agreed to be honored only if his bust faced a different direction from the others. “That’s because I see arbitrage opportunities that other motherfuckers don’t. Those butt-smell losers are reading the financial pages, while I’m looking up skirts.” Since his wishes … Continue reading Banknotes Harper honored at Chicago Merchandise Mart

Author’s note: If you haven’t already, you are invited to partake of the Banknotes Harper origin story. Banknotes Harper was sitting at a cafe with Baudelaire and Dennis Kozlowski. “Banknotes,” Baudelaire said, “I’ll bet you all the money in Gaul … Continue reading True and short tales of Banknotes Harper

Beloved ballplayer Billy Clarke has died. Clarke passed earlier this week from an all-consuming malaise. In spite of his slow, almost mocking descent into non-existence, the very end was said to be a shock to those near to him. This … Continue reading Obituary for a Fake Ballplayer

English rock-and-or-roll supergroup Bad Company, who combined with Foreigner to encourage sex in hallways and public spaces all across Christendom, once queried: “Are you ready for love?” The aria is a tale — a necessary tale — of the everyman who is rendered urgent, turgid, and veiny for want of immediate and driving coitus. As it turns out, “Ready for Love” was inspired by right-hander Claude Raymond, who pitched to middling effect in the major leagues from 1959-1971. Bear nubile witness: As implied by his 1966 and 1967 baseball cards, Mr. Raymond walked around for two full years in a … Continue reading Claude Raymond is ready for love

BUSYTOWN, U.S.A. — When Mayor Fox of Busytown was merely Young Fox, he frequented the old-line immigrant swim clubs in the Busy Hill section of the since-industrialized Northeast Side. The story, still told in taverns with the whiff of the … Continue reading How Busytown stole the Tampa Bay Rays: A glossy magazine story that has never and will never appear in a glossy magazine

Adrian Beltre jammed the gear stick into park and sat in his truck until the song finished. Once it was over he sat another moment. The street lights weren’t yet flickering on, but they would soon. He grabbed his thermos … Continue reading Minimalist Short Fiction Starring Adrian Beltre