Jeff Huson, possible televangelist

Study closely the countenance of American Baseball Broadcaster Jeff Huson …

1

You’ll note the solemn look of disapproval in tandem with the finest in Evangelical’s Choice Menswear. Long ago, he leveraged carefully curated scripture against the city council. On pain of being voted out by Rev. Huson’s legion congregants, they moved to fill all municipal water tanks with Vitalis, which you see in abundance here.

The entirety of it provides Huson with a mise en scène that is known variously as “Pastor Drugs” or “Comptroller of Jonestown.” The glowering reproach that issues forth is strong enough to chagrin Cotton and Increase Mather, on account of their repugnant iniquities. Curiously, all of it also suggests a long history of groped receptionists and several powdery lines of fucking primo white lady followed by sweaty prayers hollered into a cordless microphone. Pass the collection plate in the name of capital improvements but in the service of a thousand Saturday nights.

In closing, Jeff Huson might be going to hell but not before he sends you there.


(This piece originally appeared at FanGraphs. It has since been revised and made even worse, probably.)

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